A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father
"Well son, now that you’ve got a kid of your own, I think it’s time to give you this"
"Dad, you don’t mean-"
"Yes son, I do" *Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition*
"Dad… I’m honoured…", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured", replies his father. "I’m dad".
I like drinking tea alone, and reading alone.
I like riding the bus alone, and walking home alone.
It gives me time to think, and set my mind free.
I like eating alone, and listening to music alone.
But when I see a mother with her child;
A girl with her lover;
Or a friend laughing with their best friend;
I realize that even though I like being alone
I don’t fancy being lonely
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun
Two hours of silence for all the teenagers who can’t wait to become adults because they think they’ll get to do whatever they want
a shot of vodka to all the 20 somethings who are coping with a lack of rent money by sitting around eating captain crunch in dinosaur PJs wishing they were actually a pre-teen again.
(american voice) hairy padder
is that how we sound omfg
(british voice) ‘arry pouhta
(australian voice) hay putta
(filipino voice) hari paterr
(canadian voice) hairee pawterr
(arab voice) heerry bootar
(malfoy voice) POTTER!
(dumbledore voice) HARRY DIDJA PUT YA NAME IN DA GOBLET OF FIYAH